As a military mom, one of the biggest challenges I faced was raising kids far from family. The safety net of grandparents, aunts, and uncles that many parents have just wasn’t there for us. Whether you’re in the military, moving for work, or just starting fresh in a new city, raising kids without family nearby can feel isolating. But here’s the thing—you don’t have to do it alone. You can find your “village” in a new place, and it might look a little different than you imagined.
In this post, I’m sharing some strategies that have helped me build a support system when family wasn’t an option, so you can create your own community wherever life takes you.
1. Get Involved in Your Local Community
The quickest way to meet people and start building your village is to get involved. When you’re in a new place, this can feel intimidating, but I promise, there are more people out there feeling the same way than you think!
Where to start:
- Mom groups: Look for local mom groups or parenting communities online (Facebook groups, MeetUp, etc.). Many of them host regular playdates or meet-ups.
- Community centers and libraries: These often have free activities, storytimes, or toddler classes. It’s a great, low-pressure way to meet other parents.
- Churches or religious communities: If faith is part of your life, connecting with a local church or place of worship can provide not only spiritual support but also social connections.
Remember, it’s okay to put yourself out there. Many parents in your shoes are also looking to connect with others, and these groups offer a natural way to bond.
2. Leverage Social Media and Apps to Make Connections
Technology can be a powerful tool when you’re feeling disconnected. There are many platforms designed specifically to help people build friendships and community.
Apps and platforms to try:
- Peanut: Often called the “Tinder for moms,” Peanut connects moms in your area based on shared interests, parenting stages, or proximity.
- Nextdoor: This neighborhood-focused app can help you learn about community events and connect with neighbors.
- Facebook groups: Search for parenting groups specific to your area, like “Moms of [Your City]” or neighborhood-specific groups.
These apps and platforms help break the ice, so you can meet other parents who are in the same stage of life and looking for connection too.
3. Join Parenting Classes or Kid-Friendly Activities
Signing up for parenting classes, baby-and-me classes, or kids’ sports is a great way to meet other parents who are going through the same things. These shared experiences naturally create opportunities for friendships.
Ideas for activities:
- Baby/toddler swim lessons: Most local YMCAs or community pools offer lessons where parents participate with their little ones.
- Music classes: Programs like Music Together or Kindermusik offer music classes that are fun for kids and give parents time to socialize.
- Parent-and-me fitness classes: Stroller Strides or baby-wearing yoga classes allow you to exercise while your child participates, which also creates a chance to meet other parents.
These classes and activities not only help your child develop new skills but also create social opportunities for you to meet other moms and dads.
4. Ask for Help and Be Willing to Help Others
Building a village means leaning on people, but it also means being open to offering help in return. As parents, we all need backup sometimes, and offering a helping hand is a great way to build a reciprocal relationship.
How to start:
- Don’t hesitate to ask other parents for small favors like watching your child for an hour or sharing school pickup duties. You’ll likely find that most parents are happy to help.
- If you see another parent who looks overwhelmed, offer to step in. Sometimes, offering help opens the door to creating a friendship.
These small acts of support build trust and camaraderie, creating the foundation for a strong village.
5. Form a Babysitting Co-Op
Finding reliable babysitters in a new place can be tough, but forming a babysitting co-op with other parents is a fantastic solution. In a co-op, each parent takes turns watching the kids, giving others a much-needed break. No money is exchanged—it’s all based on mutual trust and sharing.
How to start:
- Gather a few local parents you’ve connected with and set up a schedule where you take turns watching each other’s kids.
- Decide on a fair way to track hours, like a point system, to make sure everyone benefits equally.
Not only does this give you access to trusted childcare, but it also fosters deeper connections with the other parents.
6. Create Traditions with Friends
Without family nearby, it can feel like something is missing during holidays or special occasions. But creating new traditions with your village of friends can fill that gap.
Ideas:
- Host a “Friendsgiving” with your new friends, where everyone brings a dish to share.
- Celebrate kids’ birthdays together by organizing group playdates or parties.
- Plan regular get-togethers, like a monthly potluck or movie night with the kids.
These new traditions help your new community feel more like family, creating cherished memories for you and your children.
7. Lean on Your Partner
If you’re fortunate to have a partner, remember that you are a team. In times when you feel alone or overwhelmed without family nearby, leaning on each other is essential. Talk openly about how you’re feeling, share responsibilities, and make sure you’re both getting breaks when needed.
Finding your village doesn’t mean it all falls on you. A strong partnership creates a solid foundation for your family, especially when outside support is limited.
Final Thoughts
Raising kids without family nearby can be tough, but it’s absolutely possible to find your village wherever you are. By getting involved in your community, using technology to connect, and forming meaningful relationships with other parents, you can build a support system that feels like family—even if they aren’t related by blood.
Remember, it’s okay to ask for help and lean on others. Parenting is hard, and we all need a village to make it through. Whether you’re a military family like us or just finding your way in a new city, know that your village is out there—you just have to be willing to find it and grow it.
How have you found your village in a new place? Share your tips and experiences in the comments below!
